Hell yeah.

In my twenty-one years of living, growing from a timid little girl to a supposedly vain woman, I’ve come to realized that life can be what we want it to be. The only thing that we must be willing to do is to sacrifice in some way or another in order to get what we want. Frankly speaking, I have made a lot of sacrifice to get what I want, or to overcome what trials I’ve met.

And it is satisfactory to say that I have sacrificed my feeling a lot in my life, up to the point where I think I must be some kind of alien because I lack the required feeling to show empathy or sympathy towards other people. Heartless, perhaps. 

But then again, I think this kind of sacrifice is crucial in my growing up process. I have to face rejection in order to gain recognition. I have to face failure in order to rise up again. I have to face heartbreak in order to be stronger. I have to face betrayal in order to be very stingy in giving my trust towards people. I have to face what I have to face in order to be who I am right now. 

Despite everything, I am not regretting anything. I never let whatever incidents happened in my life to push me down into a wallowing douche bag. Never do I feel remorseful for being the heartless, expressionless, and ultimately vain person I am today. Well, some people deserve to be treated coldly, subjugating them to the corner without mercy simply for what they did to me. I am not kind nor friendly, and never will be willing to tolerate bad manners. 

I dislike weak people. Undoubtedly, if I can rise from the weak, timid, innocent girl to the brazen woman that I am today, surely there are no excuses for others to stay weak and lament their life no end. I don’t care if people say that I am too harsh but I don’t approve in lamenting over my weakness. If you have weakness, you squeeze your effort and overcome the weakness. If you fall down, you stand up, kick the bullshit out of your bully and walk forward and never look back again. 

You are in control of your life. Don’t let other people push you down. If anyone makes you feel bad, you punch them in the face and walk away confidently. Most people put their bravery in their mouth, not in their heart. So why bother with all these typical people? They don’t wear your stiletto. They don’t know how to rock the stiletto on the runway. You alone know your ability, your strength and weakness, your dream and hope, your determination and desperation. 

That is why I am comfortable being what I am today. Sarcasm doesn’t bother me. Insinuation, jeering, backbiting and mean intention don’t bother me. I am too strong, you can’t hurt me. If people said that I’m pretending, well then, I am an extremely excellent actor, aren’t I? I should win a Grammy or two with my kind of self-compose and calmness. You can’t provoke me, nor can you tempt me into provocation because I, of all people, know too well that each and every single thing that we say will come back as a test upon us. You see, God is extremely fair and just towards His servant. So I have all the intention to stay away from trouble. I’ve been push down to the ground, ignored and casted away by the people who actually dare to flash their smile at me nowadays. It goes to show that some people really have no shame at all. I am very selective and meticulous when it comes to letting people into my circle because I have no wish to be near people who will never be there when I’m in trouble. 

It is better to have very few friends who actually care, rather than having a hundred backstabbers around. 

tcha. 

To the candles lighting up my life.

Happy 16th of May, people! 

because saying Happy Teacher's Day is too mainstream. no? 

even though i am only a trainee teacher, i have the opportunity to make friends with teachers either the senior teachers or the fresh graduate who are forever eager to start teaching. furthermore, from my past three School Based Experienced trips, i have gain so much experiences and insights on the teaching profession. the ups and downs, the boon and the bane, the loops and the kluts,there is more to teaching than meets the eye, people. 

i know the road ahead will be full with obstacles and challenge. hopefully i can gather my courage and go head first to crash all the impending walls ahead of me and triumph as a teacher who won't only teach but at the same time educate my future students. 

in my schooling years, i never had the unfortunate experience of getting a bad teacher. no matter how strict, dragonish my teachers are, none of them demotivate me in any way. instead they levitate me to be appreciative of my own self. i remember my kindergarten teachers who shake their head when i refuse to wear my tudung properly, who teach me how to pray and give me Champs every morning before we enter the class, and for giving me extra nasi lemak during recess where i eat with my little gang in a huge talam. (what is talam in English? lol). seriously, if i were to go to kindergarten again, i would still choose Tadika Islah! five stars!

my highest appreciation and admiration goes to my primary school teachers whom i consider as the best teachers in the world because they give me the opportunity to fully exercise my talent and trigger my passion towards things that i'm good at (especially English hewhewhew) and were willing enough to send me to a math quiz despite knowing how lackadaisical my math knowledge is. lol. seriously i love my primary school teachers a million time for everything they have done for me. sobs.the six years i spend in SK Dumpar were like golden memories for me. i will remember every single moment until the day i die. can't say the same with the student's name, though. i forgot people's name easily sighhh.

moving on to high school, i think the only thing that keeps my sanity intact and my attitude in check were the teachers and a few close friends. i literally dislike my school because well, let's not talk about that shall we? my math teachers were forever giving up on me, i think because i despise the subject ahahaha can't be helped at all. however, i strive in my English, Malay and History subjects. you see? you see?? you see? i am a no-brainer when it comes to numbers sobs sobs. but then again, teenagers being teenagers, there were lots of drama and friendship gain and broken as well as flirting here and there although i find them a bit boring because i dislike the school. however, i survived five years of high school and jyeahh i'm a survivor despite my math allergic! thanks to my teachers who actually took the time to pull me by the arm aside and had a slow talk with me to encourage me to believe in myself and show that, they care. despite me acting all introvert and back of the class crew.

can't say the same with Iptho though. sigh.

so let's not go there. 

if you want to be a teacher or build that teaching spirit, i suggest you watch Gokusen and Great Teacher Onizuka  because the stories really teach you what it means to be a teacher, and to never give up on your students, no matter how scraggly delinquents they are. 

 

 and.....

  

me if i were to be a Mathematics teacher.

love you teachers! 

xoxo.